Losing my mind...

Hi *waves*. So things are going to hell in a hand-basket at work. I'm getting really depressed and am having to take a Xanx just to make it through the day. It's partly my fault as I'm not taking my zoloft like I'm supposed to and it's not making my job any easier.

I'm beginning to hate my manager with a burning passion and that just it's healthy. I'm sick to fucking death of her scheduling me to close the deli and that's it.

You want to know my schedule this week? First off I got 30.5 hours this week which is bullshit in it's self, but I digress...

Monday: 2pm to 8pm
Tuesday: off
Wednsday: 2pm to 9pm
Thrusday: 3pm to 9pm
Friday: 11am to 8pm
Saturday: 4pm to 8pm
Sunday: off

4pm to fucking 8pm. A four hour shift to do nothing but clean up everyone elses mess. That is basically what I do. I clean up after everyone. For the last three or four months, that has been my schedule. It's like I'm a maid and the funny thing is I wouldn't even care if I was getting paid decent money, but I'm not. I'm getting paid shit to do three times the work. God, it makes me so angry I just want to scream! I wish I could quit but I can't afford it. I want to cry.

Mark thinks it's because we're the only non-Mexicans working there (he's getting the same shifts I am) and I have to admit that has crossed my mind. However, I don't think it's just a Mexican thing with my manager. It's a Mexican Female thing with her. Robert (who is a very cool guy) is Mexican and she treats him like shit too. But she really hates Mark. She totally rides him for no reason. I think it's because he's a white male. It's very stupid.

So yeah, I need to get back on my zoloft like a good little girl cause that is the only way I'm going to cope. I've also been bugging the store assistant manager (also named Mark) to make me a checker which he has promised me to do. I believe him, but I was also honest with him and told him the vibe in the deli is not cool and I don't want to be back there anymore. I hate it there.

I've also cast a release spell to let go of all the negative energy I'm associating with my job and my manager. It work really well at first, but I've been losing focus so I think I need to cast it again, this time in the name of Diana, goddess of nature and nurturing. She'll help me nurture some positivity and abundance in my life, so I can learn the lesson from this experience and see the silver lining, if there is any.

I'll do that and let these asses know that I will not be working any closing shifts anymore. I've decided I won't come into work before 8am or stay ofter 7pm. Lets see what they say about that. I'm almost hoping they'll suspend me or fire me. If they suspend me I'll get a weeks vacation and if they fire me I can collect unemployment until I can find another job.

Anyway, I have a headache. Peace and love. Blessed it be.