August 2005 Archives

Hi *waves*. So I've been on vacation since sunday and I've pretty much wasted three and half days alreay. I'm broke and I'm going to get broker. I want to watch a DVD, but I've been through my collection ( I actually sat there and organized them) and found nothing that interested me. It's 1am and I'm board.

This is funny cause I've just started back on my anti-depressants and I feel more depressed than ever. I just don't like the way the zoloft makes me feel anymore. But xanx makes me feel pretty. Me like xanx. Me like it a lot. However, I do realize that I need to get back on the zoloft cause not being on it is effecting my web-work.

This is also funny too as I noticed a couple of months ago that being on the zoloft was draining the artistic ambition out of me. I was designing and coding my ass off, but the thought of actually picking up a pencil and drawing something seemed impossible. I haven't drawn anything in years which is sad. That used to be my joy in life, but now I just can't crank anything out anymore. I think I've resigned myself to the fact that If I want to express myself in an artistic medium, it's going to be on the computer. I miss creating things with my own two hands, but life is pain. It's all about sacrifice.

The zoloft also controls my slight obsessive compulsive tendencies. My mother has taken to pointing that out to me over the last few weeks. She especially likes calling me crazy. I swear, that woman can be a mega bitch when she want's to be.

Anyway, I'm not in the brightest mood right now, so I'm going to go.

Peace, love and blessed it be.

Hi *waves*. So Becky's wedding was beautiful. She looked like a princess in the dress that was inspired by the sketch I drew for her. It was a wonderful ceremony and I cried as she and Cecil were reciting their vows. Over all it was great and I'm very happy for the both of them. We left pretty early, I didn't even get cake, but that was okay. Seeing her actually get married was enough for me. Weddings are lovely, but I don't think I'll be having one.

Peace, Love, Blessed it be.

Hi *waves*. So, Becky's wedding is this coming sunday (August 7th) and I've just now bought something to wear. It really sucks when things like this come up cause it makes me realize what a shitty wardrobe I actually have. I pretty much have t- shirts and jeans. I have no "club" wear and no special occasion wear. I am working on transforming my wardrobe into grown -ups clothes, but that shit is expensive.

However, I bought a really cute white lace top and a green and white diagonal stripped skirt (it's cuter than it sounds) from Torrid. It has a whole 50's type thing going on. Now all I need is some cute strappy heels and mabye some new earrings... if I can afford it.

This outfit actually makes me look like I a have a shape. And it's not black. Wearing black to a day-time wedding is not cool and frankly, I'm sick of wearing black. I'm fat. Black isn't going to magically make me skinny, so I might as well wear the clothes I like in the colors I like and be proud of who I am and how I'm shaped.

Yeah, walking around Torrid and seeing all those incredible colthes made me feel a little crappy. I so was not meant to be poor, however, I figure if I budget my money right (like I've been doing) I could probably afford one item of clothes a week at retail price. Clearances items are another story.

Anyway, I have to go back to the mall and look at some shoes as well as some other things. I also need to wash my uniforms. Doing laundry sucks.

Peace, Love, Blessed it be.