Depressed Musing: August 2005 Archives

Hi *waves*. So I've been on vacation since sunday and I've pretty much wasted three and half days alreay. I'm broke and I'm going to get broker. I want to watch a DVD, but I've been through my collection ( I actually sat there and organized them) and found nothing that interested me. It's 1am and I'm board.

This is funny cause I've just started back on my anti-depressants and I feel more depressed than ever. I just don't like the way the zoloft makes me feel anymore. But xanx makes me feel pretty. Me like xanx. Me like it a lot. However, I do realize that I need to get back on the zoloft cause not being on it is effecting my web-work.

This is also funny too as I noticed a couple of months ago that being on the zoloft was draining the artistic ambition out of me. I was designing and coding my ass off, but the thought of actually picking up a pencil and drawing something seemed impossible. I haven't drawn anything in years which is sad. That used to be my joy in life, but now I just can't crank anything out anymore. I think I've resigned myself to the fact that If I want to express myself in an artistic medium, it's going to be on the computer. I miss creating things with my own two hands, but life is pain. It's all about sacrifice.

The zoloft also controls my slight obsessive compulsive tendencies. My mother has taken to pointing that out to me over the last few weeks. She especially likes calling me crazy. I swear, that woman can be a mega bitch when she want's to be.

Anyway, I'm not in the brightest mood right now, so I'm going to go.

Peace, love and blessed it be.