Depressed Musing: November 2005 Archives

Hi *waves*. Okay, so I’ve decided not to do Turkey Day this year. I woke up in a really bad mood this morning and decided that I would just sleep that day. It sounds stupid but it makes a bit of sense as I really can’t afford to buy anything. And even if I did, I would have to cook it all myself, which I would do if I knew how, but I don’t have any idea how to go about cooking a turkey dinner. It’s overwhelming just thinking about it.

Anyway, yeah, I’m not feeling particularly happy and shiny right now. It’s been floating around my head for a while, but I think I probably need to be back on my medication again. I’m really starting to see the difference in how I react to things when I’m not on the Zoloft. I have a shorter fuse and put up with much less shit. Then again, I felt like a zombie being on that stuff. I didn’t get upset or affected by anything. I was just hovering through life like whatever. It was kind of like I was outside of my body, watching myself coast through. Not that there is anything wrong with coasting. There isn’t. I just need to decide if that is the way I want to live. Yeah, coasting is good, it’s easy, but sometimes you need to row to get yourself to a certain point or change direction because if you don’t, you’ll run into a wall.

Yeah, it’s weird. I’m being all deep and shit at work. I can say that I got a lot done today. That has something to do with my anxiety. I feel all hyped up, which is good in one respect and bad in the other as I tend to lose it at the drop of a hat. I’m trying desperately not to lose control at work. That is another good think about Zoloft. You don’t lose your cool. Xanax is really good for that too. I used to take Xanax everyday before I went to work at Vons and Goddess bless the stuff. It was my magic elixir. It made everything pretty. I can’t say enough good things about Xanax…the best. Jeez, I sound like a junkie… maybe I am a junkie… *shakes head” okay new subject.

It’s interesting how I seem to be in a writing mood. I’ve written posts for the last three days… in a row. How kick ass is that. I’ll have to try and keep this up. There is nothing more boring than a blog that hasn’t been updated in damn near forever. Second to that are abandoned websites. Now all I need to do is put up a new layout and I’ll be good to go.

Peace, Love, Blessed it be.