Mental Anguish: December 2005 Archives

Hi *waves*. You know, I’ve come to a realization tonight. I am very alone. I always knew I was, but being off the Zoloft is really showing that to me now. I was totally in a fog; wearing rose-colored glasses concerning my life. I had a false since of security as far as everything goes. I don’t have anyone. I am always the bad guy and I’m fucking sick of it. It’s like people hear my voice, and apparently it is so devastating to the system, so contrary, that they stop listening. Like nothing I say has any merit… ever. I can’t be expected to ask anyone for even the tiniest thing. God forbid I should put them out and ruin their master plan to do whatever it is they feel like doing. It’s like I should be thankful that I am even in their presence and anything that I want or need should be disregarded. It’s fucking annoying as hell and I am tired of people expecting me to blow it off. I’m always the one who has to bend over backwards. I’m always the one who has to compromise like I was born for it or some shit. I’m the one who does what everyone else wants them to do. Excuse the fuck out of me for actually thinking that one should think about another person from time to time and not just themselves. But I guess I am an exception to the rule. I have to decide whether I should go back on the medication and be in a fog. The truth sucks. The question is, do I want to be in the truth… in the moment, or do I want to be out of it?