Working Drama: June 2004 Archives

Hi *waves*. Yeah, as you can see, new layout. It's not as busy as my other layouts, but it will do nicely for me. I feel like I need to clear away all the clutter in my life and get down to some spartan space. This layout does that. Besides, Gale doesn't need a whole lot of fancy brushes etc. This man can stand on his own.

Not much to say tonight. went to work, had lunch with Mark, came home, put up the new layout, have to go back to work tomorrow. My entire life is work. Work, work, work, that's all I freakin do. I need a vactation. I've been talking about going away for my birthday this year. I'm definately going to do that. I need to get away from my life and be someone else for a while. Leave Tiffany and all her fucked up baggage in Long Beach while the real me goes off and has some fun. Yeah, that sounds nice.

Anyway, I gotta take my ass to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow for you guessed it, work. I wish I was rich. A sugar- daddy would be nice too. I'm not too good to date someone for money. Sad but true. Peace and Love.

Hi *waves*. It's official. I'm working to hard. Having two jobs sucks. All work and no play makes Tiffany a very bad girl. I figured that's why I was acting all weird about that guy. It was exhaustion. I was too tired to think straight.

Speaking of the guy, I kinda gave him the cold shoulder that day. I wasn't mean, I was civil, but I certainly wasn't as "friendly" has I had been. I wasn't flirting before, I don't do that, but back then I thought I had a chance. Anyway, I'm pretty much over that whole thing and I'm starting to feel comfortable around him again, but now, since I did the "civil" thing, he's turned around and done the same to me.

What the fuck? He was all chipper and happy and smiling when I came back to work after he spilled that info. Then, after I kept my distance, he does the same thing the next day. Am I projecting? Is it me? My sister thinks that because I get along so well with everyone else in the Deli, and I was acting the same with them and different with him that he feels left out. I decided not to be a bitch and tried to included him the last two days. I don't want anyone to be left out. I know he's shy and all, but I'm not one of those people who leaves people out just because they aren't as outgoing or open as I am.

Anyway, I think I may have made him uncomfortable with the distance thing after the info spill. I don't think he's stupid, so maybe he put 2 and 2 together and figured out that I may have liked him then got freaked out by the whole "married with a baby's mama" deal and got freaked out himself. We'll see what happens tomorrow. I just want things to be like nothing ever happened and I never had feelings for him at all. I'd be really happy with that.

Enough really personal stuff. I need a new layout. I've already started working on something. I don't know if I'll keep it, but I like it so far. This vector was nice at first, but with all layouts that stay up to long, I'm getting bored with it. I'll probably have time to put something up later this week.

I'll see you peeps later. Peace and love.

Hi *waves*. I have to go to work in a few hours. I don't want to go. Not just because working sucks, but also because I'll have to face my ill-fated crush. That whole situation is so fucked up that it's... well fucked up.

Okay, so I have a crush on a guy who works in the Service Deli. His name is Mark. He is blonde, about 5'10 and has blue eyes that make you feel like he's seeing into your soul. He's quite and shy, and terribly cute.

What's the problem you ask? I think problems is more the word, so let's count out all three nails in the coffin of a relationship that never was.

1. He's only 21 and I'm 23. I know some of your are thinking what's the big deal, but guys are 4 years delayed in there development as compaired to women. Therefore, although his actual age is 21, he's really 17.

2. He's married. I think that one pretty much explains it's self.

3. His wife is 4 months pregnant with their first child.

We're talking as he is making my sandwich for lunch and spills these tidbits of info out of nowhere. I had to stand there all composed like I didn't care, but inside I was sreaming. I wanted to cry. I know for a second there my face must have collapsed, but I'm sure he didn't notice.

Me liking this guy and thinking I may have had a chance with him wasn't entirely wishful thinking. He doesn't wear a wedding ring. I asked him why and he said he can't afford it, but really people! How much would a little sliver or gold band cost. It doesn't have to be the real deal, but you should wear something so stupid girls like me don't get our hopes up. It's called false advertising. Look into it damnit!!!

I've been stewing over this for the past 2 days and I've come to some scary realizations about myself. What's scary is, I actually think I could have worked my way around the whole married thing if he wanted to start something. I kept thinking, "if only she wasn't pregnant." Isn't that terrible. I'm an awful home-wreaking bitch and I haven't even done anything. Another scary thing is that I was hoping he was totally miserble in his marriage and only married her because she got knocked up. He always looks kinda sad and disconnected so this could be, but that still doesn't give me the right to put that out into the universe.

What is wrong with me? Why am I thinking these things about this guy? I've had crushes on guys and never wished their marriages ill-will. Then again, I've never had a crush on a married guy. Maybe I wouldn't have let myself have a crush on him at all if I'd known he was married from the get go.

Anyway, I just feel like shit and today I have to work in the service deli and run a sandwich demo until 1pm today. He will talk to me and smile at me and be adorable. I will be nice and act like I don't have any interest in him when really I'm sobbing inside. Today is going to be a long and fucked up day.